Sunday, December 15, 2013


Dear World,

      A tough thing happened to me this year. I don't want to talk about what it was, I just want to say that it happened. If I don't say that it happened, I have this feeling of wandering around in dark woods. I flash my flashlight over a branch and think it is a hand trying to grab me, or I hear the wind sweep through the trees and I think someone is whispering to me. My memories trick me, and if I don't conjure them out of their dark cauldron, I feel they might give me that final, poisonous apple, that they might take over without me even knowing what happened. 
      This all sounds so dreary, but I can assure you that it's not. When I trip and stumble in this wilderness, my friends are there to take my hand, to lead me. My friends run to my side when I jump in fear of a shadow. These beings, these beautiful beings that are unassuming and love without limitation, they are the reason that there is good in the world. When something bad happens to someone, it soothes me to know that there are pure and beautiful people out there like my friends to help the situation. If one bad thing ever happened to me, there would be five of them working against the evil. So when I can't breath from fear, these faerie are there, waiting to sprinkle their magic and whisk me away to a magical wonderland. And when they leave me back on this seemingly-dark world, they make sure to leave me with the knowledge that they will always be there. I can only hope I will be one of these beautiful people one day, and can only hope that more of them exist all over the world. 

Thank you guys for always being there, to bring over ice cream and play board games and just love without even needing to know why I need it. I have so much admiration for your giant hearts. I love you. 

Friday, December 6, 2013


Jumping on a trampoline    
It seems repetitive, but there's something about jumping that is intriguing. Each jump is unique. Maybe it's in the landing,
                                                                           changing the bend of your knees
                                                                                    differently each time.
                                                                                                    weightless in the blue sky.
Or maybe it's in the moment you are completely of the ground,                                            Maybe it's in the altitude, maybe it's in the actual action of jumping. Or maybe it's in the feeling. The feeling of pointing your toes into the fabric, pushing against the weight of yourself, lifting your arms, and then just falling to the will of gravity. It is the sui generis of the trampoline's nature.
Inthew i n d n o th i  n g i  s  d   e    t     e       r       m          i           n             e                 d     

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Snowy Tear

Snowy tear running on faded dreams
Weeping with feeling that has no remark
Heart aching with these repeating themes
Dwindling love, weary and nearly stark

She sacrificed her life for him
Devoted her slowly waning love
Living on a whim, on the brim
Not a morning, but a mourning dove

And when her heart could take no more giving
She fell to Earth's embrace, to the day
Learned again to be loving and living
Open palms, let him float away

But her blue eyes will always search, wait
Look for his smile, wait for his call
Count heart beats: one, two, three, five, seven, eight
Each skipped beat a sob or grieving yawl

When will it hurt less? 

Tuesday, November 12, 2013


First I feel a pinch from a icy breeze. The hair on my arms rises and my nose tingles. A subdued shiver squeezes up my sides and then is released at my shoulders. I smell burning juniper dancing in from the slats in the broken glass windows. The smell is dark, makes me want to fall asleep again. I curl up tighter into my sleeping bag. 

A deep voice travels to my ears. It comes in waves, louder and softer, deeper and higher. Chanting. The monk next door is chanting. He does this often, chants for a whole day without stopping. I sink into the bottomless voice as it embraces me. Mixed with the cool air, the voice feels warm. 

Suddenly a clatter interrupts the peace. A child's voice mixed with the voice of a few women. They are yelling, but I hear laughter in their voices. Then I hear the clatter of rocks tumbling followed by the ruckus of hooves across the stonework. With this noise I can tell a yak was in the potato field, and the women had chased him right through the wall outlining the field. Luckily these walls are made just so they can be put up and taken down easily. The laughter of the women and squeal of the child assures me that they are all in good spirits. I smile listening to them talk in a language I don't understand but with emotion that I comprehend perfectly. 

Mixing with the woody smell of the juniper is the smell of eggs being burnt over the fire in the house over. From my little makeshift bed of tables and blankets, I know they are making eggs and rice for their kids before they go to school. The mother is squatting by the fire, blowing on it occasionally, while she blends the eggs and listens to the pressure cooker on the gas stove. The kids are playing in the house, but run outside when their grandmother has had enough. Their little, mischievous whispers glide through the mist, up and around me. 

I curl into the feathers of my sleeping bag. In a minute I will have to wake up, address the cold and walk down the rocky path. But first I'll make my milk tea. I can taste it now. I can feel the heat bite my tongue and the hot steam warm my face. I can see the powdered milk exploding into a plume in the tea, and I already taste the extra remnants of the sugar sneakily hiding at the end of the experience. Yes, I'll stay here for a few more minutes, then I'll go make my tea. 

Friday, October 25, 2013

He told me I looked like Marilyn Monroe and I got Poison Ivy

This is the epic love story of a friend of mine as told through her eyes...

I didn't want a boyfriend. Really! I actually could care a less about guys or girls or anyone. Well, it's not that I don't care, I just love everyone so much already that I don't need anything more. I want to be a dancer someday. No time for men in that line of work. The strength of my legs outweighs the strength of my heart and when I leap through the air, I know I don't need a man to catch me, I can catch myself.

But isn't that how it always is? Just when you say you don't need something it appears. And that's what happened with him. Big brown eyes stared at me from under some pretty bushy eyebrows across the room. It was as cliché as that. We locked eyes across the room in the dining hall. I found myself wishing I would bump into him or that he would come and talk to me, but we were strangers! Just two, adorable strangers. 

I didn't see him for a year. Not kidding. There had been no words between us, not even real eye flirting, but I always thought about him when people asked me, "so, who do you like?" But eventually I actually did see him again at a party. I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty drunk at this party. Drunk enough, however, that I had enough courage to walk over to him to say hi. I told him everything... Not kidding. I told him that I had a huge crush on him even though I had no idea who he was and had only seen him once. The great part? He was really drunk too, so he didn't judge me (as he should have). He laughed and said he still thought about me. He then slurred, "willl youuu goo oout with mee?" I just nodded and giggled and then gave him my number. 

He didn't call for a week. But he finally did. He said he was nervous that I was just super drunk. I said that I was, but it was true what I said. Luckily, he didn't see me blushing! 

So we went on a date. He didn't kiss me. Then we went on another, and another. Finally he kissed me on our fourth date. We were just eating popcorn and watching tv. As simple as that, but it was a great kiss. 

We went hiking, skydiving, to movies, we cuddled on his couch, we held hands every second, and we made food together. We went camping once. He told me to watch out for poison ivy which freaked me out and I wouldn't go pee in the woods. Finally I was jumping up and down and like, "we gotta go find a bathroom!" He laughed and said, "just go!!!" I flashed him a huge smile and he grabbed me and kissed me hard on the mouth. "What was that for?""Nothing, you just look so beautiful, like Marilyn Monroe." I turned around, dropped my pants and peed right in front of him. That's how elegant I am. Just like Marilyn... 

I got poison ivy. But I also got him. We've been together six years.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Exoskeleton Souls

Witnessing the surge of wave breakers
Crashing over the velvet shoreline
Time smoothing pebbles over acres
Warmth disintegrating in the grime

Tired are the worn and weathered shucks
Of late exoskeleton souls
Sentiments of green glass vessels struck
Secrets to be found like Dead Sea scrolls

Even so, this is no sinless drink
Great azure sinking to prussian blue
Turning into a dark world of ink
A drain to turn affection to rue

Pinch from beating core of the ocean
The tug of the salt's soulmate, the moon
Pulling with devotion; emotion
Beckoning with gravitational swoon

Palm facing up to ensnare my hand
Beating like a wing against the sea
Expecting me to serve as the land
Ocean from blue eyes, I shun the plea

My shell of colorless protection
Drifting through open time and space
Not drifting; fleeing, from affection,
From my own reflection's sundry faces

That wanting wave curling to a fist
Pulling back as to collide with my cheek
WAIT! This is creation of ocean mist
Illusion to deceive me to be weak

Me, ocean, going deeper and deeper
An endless drain swirling in confusion
Clockwise just as the sea's keeper

All is delusion

Thursday, October 10, 2013

The Lady With The Laugh

I sit here sipping my chai
Pinteresting interesting ties
Classical music from movie scores
Fill my ears as they count in fours

Through my earphones enters a sound
A laugh so bad as to astound
I peek over my computer screen
To see who's laugh is so obscene

My grooveshark competes with her noise
While I desperately try to keep my poise
Now that I hear it it can't be unheard
The chortle that comes every third

I have to depart from this café
Pack up my bag and make hay
Quick take my hand Alex, we'll run from this place
We'll laugh about this later, but with much more grace

Sunday, October 6, 2013

She Didn't Know

She didn't know how to feel.

My heart is racing.
My heart is breaking.

As the paint brush swept across the paper, she smiled a bit. The complication of life had always given her adventure. It had taken her all over the world, around and back. But now she wanted to either spread her wings again and fly, or to have an anchor.

I want to be free!

And she wanted to never feel trapped, but she wanted to have someone want her to stay. She wanted to have someone fly away with her, or miss her while she went. Not an anchor. Anchor is the wrong word. She wanted a port for her ever moving ship. She wanted a place to come back to, a place that she belonged.

But the argument continued inside her head. She didn't want to owe anyone anything, didn't want to be weighed down. And yet her heart whispered like a the aspen trees nearby soughing with the wind. Quiet, but insistent.

A dark blotch of red paint smudged onto her hand. She sponged it away on a paper towel, marveling at how the physical act of painting always seemed to directly reflect her feelings on life. The heart appearing on the paper may have been banal, but it was bleeding onto her, sucking away the confusion and the thoughts. Slowly she pulled her hand away and stared at what she had created.

Is this how I actually feel?

And she knew what she wanted.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

My Summer Trip? Oh yeah!

I realized I mentioned my summer trip in the last email, but never talked about spending two weeks in Nepal! I guess this sums it up.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

The Dark Side

I have no time to be writing a post right now. I'm sitting in my friend's dorm trying to do homework. I have an essay due tomorrow, a paper on climate change to edit for a friend, a quiz to take online so I can be a signer for a club on campus, and I have ANOTHER midterm tomorrow. I have people that feel like they haven't seen me, and a possible relationship that is getting pushed to the furthest recesses of my life. My backpack is staring at me, my planner is mocking me. Everything seems like it could explode any minute. Not to mention that even writing this is giving me a huge headache!!!

This blog is really just serving the purpose of an outlet. Especially this post. It's annoying to read someone else's complainey thoughts, but in all honestly, sometimes it just needs to be said. College is hard. I'm trying to get into this master's program where I'll get my masters degree at the same time as my bachelors. To make that happen, I need all A's in my linguistics classes. So this test tomorrow... needless to say, it's important I do well.

I just got back my Spanish midterm today. Never have I been so happy to get a B. Yeah, that's right. Not a stellar grade at all, and yet it thrilled me. Mm, you think that's crazy, I got my astronomy midterm back, a perfect C. I have never gotten a C on a midterm and been so happy that I passed. This semester is kicking my ass, and I just keep signing up for more things.

Last week I auditioned for an improv group on campus. I did improv in high school and it gave me some amazing strategies for real life. I was quiet and shy, and suddenly I was able to make hilarious jokes out of no where. I even went on an improv trip to Chicago to study at IO for a week. It was a big deal! My teacher used to say he did improv in college, and I remember thinking that that would be the coolest thing in the world, but I was no where good enough.
That's the thing about college though, if you're not good at something, that door shuts in your face, you cry about it, but then you find something else you want to do. I tried the singing thing my freshman year. Door slammed right in my face when I couldn't remember the lyrics to the song I had planned to sing for auditions. When I tried to start my own yoga group, door slammed in my face when no one showed up. But guess what? I got on the Dean's List. I made friends in my classes and reconnected with people I hadn't had time to connect with before.
Then this year I planned on the improv door slamming on me, but instead it opened wide. I was accepted, one of two out of my group that auditioned. I was so surprised that I even asked if they mixed me up with someone else. I never considered myself funny. I think I'm good at supporting people on stage, livening up a scene, but adding the humor, never really something I did well. But at my first practice I was cracking everyone up! Goes to show that you just have to try your hand at everything before you know what you want.

So I'm sitting here thinking about improv, helping with yoga and meditation club, doing extra readings for my classics class, studying for linguistics, and trying to figure out how I'm going to travel in the future (I can't wait to get back out in the world). And the real kicker, instead of just DOING WHAT I NEED TO GET DONE, I'm writing a blog post. Wow, I am the WORST! Maybe I should go now...

Friday, September 27, 2013


She thinks I'm awkward. Maybe I have social anxiety with some other medical saying attached to it. She looks at me and knows my thoughts. Her blonde pony tail bounces as she clicks by me.

Now he is definitely judging me. He knows I am heading home now, knows that I'm in a fight with someone, he probably guesses with someone I'm close to, a best friend. He glances at me and I speed up my pace. Now I'm sure he knows my soul. Just from that little neurotic motion. 

A boy, with brown hair that is gelled up to look like a duck butt sticking out of water, runs over to the judging one. They hug in a formal way, they must not know each other well. Then the first boy motions to duck boy down in my direction. 

They're talking about me. They think I'm paranoid, think I'm nervous. I hate walking through the behavioral psychology department.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Mushroom, Tomato, and Strawberry

Look who's bloggin'!!! Wow! I'm just sitting in the library, drinking a chai and kinda reading "La Casa De Los Espíritus" and i just thought, you know what would be great? Writing in my blog!!! I know it's been months, but I just feel like I'm ready to write about life again. Generally I like to keep my blogs creativity based, not drama based. So over the last few months I've had a little freshie drama, but now I'm back, life is good, and i'm ready to report!

I think i'm just going to give you guys a little story now that I'm back. This little girl I tutor wrote this with me the other day and it is so darn cute you all need to hear it!

Mushroom the otter was taking a walk in the forest and he met Tomato the owl. Tomato was looking for Tomatoes. They decided to take a walk together. After a little while, they met Strawberry the skunk who was just taking a walk. They decided to include him.
They only liked the food that they were named after. After they got to meet their friends, they started to try the foods their friends were named after. After they started eating the other foods, they began to like the foods their friends were named after, and they forgot all about the foods they themselves were named after.
The End.

Kids are the best!