Exoskeleton Souls

Witnessing the surge of wave breakers

Crashing over the velvet shoreline
Time smoothing pebbles over acres
Warmth disintegrating in the grime

Tired are the worn and weathered shucks
Of late exoskeleton souls
Sentiments of green glass vessels struck
Secrets to be found like Dead Sea scrolls

Even so, this is no sinless drink
Great azure sinking to prussian blue
Turning into a dark world of ink
A drain to turn affection to rue

Pinch from beating core of the ocean

The tug of the salt's soulmate, the moon

Pulling with devotion; emotion

Beckoning with gravitational swoon

Palm facing up to ensnare my hand
Beating like a wing against the sea
Expecting me to serve as the land
Ocean from blue eyes, I shun the plea

My shell of colorless protection
Drifting through open time and space
Not drifting; fleeing, from affection,
From my own reflection's sundry faces

That wanting wave curling to a fist
Pulling back as to collide with my cheek
WAIT! This is creation of ocean mist
Illusion to deceive me to be weak

Me, ocean, going deeper and deeper
An endless drain swirling in confusion
Clockwise just as the sea's keeper

All is delusion

The Lady With The Laugh

I sit here sipping my chai
Pinteresting interesting ties
Classical music from movie scores
Fill my ears as they count in fours

Through my earphones enters a sound
A laugh so bad as to astound
I peek over my computer screen
To see who's laugh is so obscene

My grooveshark competes with her noise
While I desperately try to keep my poise
Now that I hear it it can't be unheard
The chortle that comes every third

I have to depart from this café
Pack up my bag and make hay
Quick take my hand Alex, we'll run from this place
We'll laugh about this later, but with much more grace

She Didn't Know

She didn't know how to feel.

My heart is racing.
My heart is breaking.

As the paint brush swept across the paper, she smiled a bit. The complication of life had always given her adventure. It had taken her all over the world, around and back. But now she wanted to either spread her wings again and fly, or to have an anchor.

I want to be free!

And she wanted to never feel trapped, but she wanted to have someone want her to stay. She wanted to have someone fly away with her, or miss her while she went. Not an anchor. Anchor is the wrong word. She wanted a port for her ever moving ship. She wanted a place to come back to, a place that she belonged.

But the argument continued inside her head. She didn't want to owe anyone anything, didn't want to be weighed down. And yet her heart whispered like a the aspen trees nearby soughing with the wind. Quiet, but insistent.

A dark blotch of red paint smudged onto her hand. She sponged it away on a paper towel, marveling at how the physical act of painting always seemed to directly reflect her feelings on life. The heart appearing on the paper may have been banal, but it was bleeding onto her, sucking away the confusion and the thoughts. Slowly she pulled her hand away and stared at what she had created.

Is this how I actually feel?

And she knew what she wanted.

My Summer Trip? Oh yeah!

I realized I mentioned my summer trip in the last email, but never talked about spending two weeks in Nepal! I guess this sums it up.

The Dark Side

I have no time to be writing a post right now. I'm sitting in my friend's dorm trying to do homework. I have an essay due tomorrow, a paper on climate change to edit for a friend, a quiz to take online so I can be a signer for a club on campus, and I have ANOTHER midterm tomorrow. I have people that feel like they haven't seen me, and a possible relationship that is getting pushed to the furthest recesses of my life. My backpack is staring at me, my planner is mocking me. Everything seems like it could explode any minute. Not to mention that even writing this is giving me a huge headache!!!

This blog is really just serving the purpose of an outlet. Especially this post. It's annoying to read someone else's complainey thoughts, but in all honestly, sometimes it just needs to be said. College is hard. I'm trying to get into this master's program where I'll get my masters degree at the same time as my bachelors. To make that happen, I need all A's in my linguistics classes. So this test tomorrow... needless to say, it's important I do well.

I just got back my Spanish midterm today. Never have I been so happy to get a B. Yeah, that's right. Not a stellar grade at all, and yet it thrilled me. Mm, you think that's crazy, I got my astronomy midterm back, a perfect C. I have never gotten a C on a midterm and been so happy that I passed. This semester is kicking my ass, and I just keep signing up for more things.

Last week I auditioned for an improv group on campus. I did improv in high school and it gave me some amazing strategies for real life. I was quiet and shy, and suddenly I was able to make hilarious jokes out of no where. I even went on an improv trip to Chicago to study at IO for a week. It was a big deal! My teacher used to say he did improv in college, and I remember thinking that that would be the coolest thing in the world, but I was no where good enough.
That's the thing about college though, if you're not good at something, that door shuts in your face, you cry about it, but then you find something else you want to do. I tried the singing thing my freshman year. Door slammed right in my face when I couldn't remember the lyrics to the song I had planned to sing for auditions. When I tried to start my own yoga group, door slammed in my face when no one showed up. But guess what? I got on the Dean's List. I made friends in my classes and reconnected with people I hadn't had time to connect with before.
Then this year I planned on the improv door slamming on me, but instead it opened wide. I was accepted, one of two out of my group that auditioned. I was so surprised that I even asked if they mixed me up with someone else. I never considered myself funny. I think I'm good at supporting people on stage, livening up a scene, but adding the humor, never really something I did well. But at my first practice I was cracking everyone up! Goes to show that you just have to try your hand at everything before you know what you want.

So I'm sitting here thinking about improv, helping with yoga and meditation club, doing extra readings for my classics class, studying for linguistics, and trying to figure out how I'm going to travel in the future (I can't wait to get back out in the world). And the real kicker, instead of just DOING WHAT I NEED TO GET DONE, I'm writing a blog post. Wow, I am the WORST! Maybe I should go now...

Judged

She thinks I'm awkward. Maybe I have social anxiety with some other medical saying attached to it. She looks at me and knows my thoughts. Her blonde pony tail bounces as she clicks by me.

Now he is definitely judging me. He knows I am heading home now, knows that I'm in a fight with someone, he probably guesses with someone I'm close to, a best friend. He glances at me and I speed up my pace. Now I'm sure he knows my soul. Just from that little neurotic motion. 

A boy, with brown hair that is gelled up to look like a duck butt sticking out of water, runs over to the judging one. They hug in a formal way, they must not know each other well. Then the first boy motions to duck boy down in my direction. 

They're talking about me. They think I'm paranoid, think I'm nervous. I hate walking through the behavioral psychology department.

Mushroom, Tomato, and Strawberry

Look who's bloggin'!!! Wow! I'm just sitting in the library, drinking a chai and kinda reading "La Casa De Los Espíritus" and i just thought, you know what would be great? Writing in my blog!!! I know it's been months, but I just feel like I'm ready to write about life again. Generally I like to keep my blogs creativity based, not drama based. So over the last few months I've had a little freshie drama, but now I'm back, life is good, and i'm ready to report!

I think i'm just going to give you guys a little story now that I'm back. This little girl I tutor wrote this with me the other day and it is so darn cute you all need to hear it!

Mushroom the otter was taking a walk in the forest and he met Tomato the owl. Tomato was looking for Tomatoes. They decided to take a walk together. After a little while, they met Strawberry the skunk who was just taking a walk. They decided to include him.
They only liked the food that they were named after. After they got to meet their friends, they started to try the foods their friends were named after. After they started eating the other foods, they began to like the foods their friends were named after, and they forgot all about the foods they themselves were named after.
The End.

Kids are the best!